These mnemonics stand for “Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired” (HALT) and “Stressed Out Severely” (SOS), and they can function as a safety valve. How good are you at taking care of yourself? Are you more reactive in taking care of your own needs by putting others first, instead of being proactive and taking adequate care of yourself? The old saying, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” not only applies to your physical, emotional, and mental well-being, but also to your relationships with others. In calmer moments, it’s helpful to reflect on those times when smaller everyday irritations—like how others load the dishwasher or squeeze the toothpaste tube—seem to bother you more at certain times. Rome may not have been built in a day, but when I am overly tired, I can build mountains out of molehills in minutes. Remembering HALT and SOS can shed light on whether an issue with another person is truly significant, or simply a warning sign that you need to slow down, look inwards, and meet one or more of your own needs.
Self-care is Not Being Selfish
If you have ever flown on a commercial airline, you probably recall some of the instructions the flight attendant gave before the plane took off. For example, you’re told to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others, even if you are with a young child or infant. This makes sense, because if you pass out from lack of oxygen, how can you help the child?
But in everyday life, the mere thought of putting your personal well-being before that of your child can result in an emotional tug-of-war with yourself. Many of us were taught as children to put others first, and that putting ourselves first was selfish. You may still believe this and yet, at times, feel unappreciated by family or certain friends “for all the things you do for them,” and then feel additional guilt for having these thoughts and feelings.
Taking care of yourself is not being selfish; selfishness is putting yourself first at all times, and rarely doing anything for others. Taking care of yourself is self-preservation, the instinct of all living organisms. Self-care and self-preservation mean: “I come first so that I may maintain adequate physical, emotional, and mental health in order to live and help others.” When you neglect one or more of these needs over time, what happens to the way you interact with loved ones? Who benefits from your self-neglect? Not you, and certainly not your spouse, children, coworkers, or your other close relationships. When I am overly hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or stressed out severely, I usually don’t like being around myself either! More often than not, it is those closest to me who eventually bear the brunt of my impatience and frustration. When you neglect any of those physical needs for too long, your body will try to get your attention. It’s saying, “Take care of me!” Practicing self-care will help you better manage your emotions and create heathier relationships.